From earlier this week:
Today is one of the days when I just am completely over working in retail. It wasn’t the worst day I’ve ever experienced at work. I don’t think any customers even yelled at me today. I simply just wanted to be done with retail.
One of my co-workers consistently encourages me to not give up on my desire to work in photography full-time. He told me about LinkedIn a few days ago. I already had an account, but it wasn’t filled out all of the way. I came home from work today and decided to work on my LinkedIn profile. A simple question popped up in a blue box, and made me cry.
How would you summarize yourself and your objectives?
I would summarize myself as a girl who loves Christ more than words can say, yet cannot speak about His love openly at the place where I spend most of my time without fear of losing my job (which I NEED in order to pay my bills).
I would summarize myself as having a soul that is beyond desperate to actually minister to people’s needs, not just thank them for shopping and remind them to take the survey at the bottom of the receipt.
I would summarize myself as a young adult who feels trapped by her circumstances and surroundings; a girl who keeps trying to spread her wings to fly, yet ends up on the ground every time.
I would summarize myself as a person who finds waiting on God to be one of the hardest things ever.
I would summarize myself as a girl who believes that my calling and my career should be one and the same.
I would summarize myself as a girl who hates when male customers touch my hands, my shoulders, or even my back as their attempt to be friendly or flirt with me because she knows that none of them are her future husband and does not want to invite random men into her personal space.
I would summarize myself as a follower of Christ who really struggles with knowing the difference between God’s will and my will.
I would summarize myself as a person who has dreams in her heart from God, but does not know how to pursue them.
I would summarize myself as a person who has struggled with feeling alone, yet also finds it difficult to seek Jesus one-on-one.
I would summarize myself as a person who hates being forgotten and stood up, especially by those who I consider to be friends.
I would summarize myself as proof of God at work in my heart, mind, and attitudes, even when I do not realize it at the time.
I would summarize myself as wanting to take huge leaps of faith, yet am surrounded by the mentality of playing it safe and not taking risks.
My objectives are to make Jesus known with my life, my words, and my actions.
My objectives are to continually die to myself, so that there can and will be more of Christ in my life.
My objectives are to travel the world, sharing the Gospel.
My objectives are to continue to allow God to use my photography/art and my writing to further His Kingdom, in huge ways. More opportunities=more glory to God.
My objectives are to never be satisfied with my relationship with Christ and to always strive for more. Comfort zones are just cardboard boxes, waiting to be torn down.
My objectives are to become bolder in sharing Jesus with people.
My objectives are to give hope to the hopeless.
My objectives are to set the captives free in the Name of Jesus.
My objectives are to live a life of worship.
My objectives are to give away more money and more things with each year of my life.
My objectives are to be led by the Holy Spirit all of the time.
My objectives are to love people as Christ does, especially those considered “unlovable” by the world.
As I was writing this, I took a quick mental break and checked facebook. A person from Passion Conferences posted a link to the livestream that Christy Nockels was doing about her new album, Into the Glorious. When I clicked the link, Christy was finishing up talking about the song she was about to sing. It was the next to last song of the night. Within a few notes, I knew that the song was a song that God has been laying on my heart for probably a couple of months by now. I knew that the song and the timing were not just a coincidence. I had stopped crying as I wrote this, but the tears started up anew.
I know that ministry* is a lot of work. I know that ministry can absolutely wear you down. I know that ministry puts you on the front lines of the spiritual battle called life. I know it is easy to feel that there is no progress being made. I’ve been worn down by ministry and I’ve been worn down by working in retail. Yet serving others in the Name of Jesus is what makes me feel truly alive and act like I am fully alive. I know that yes, even working in retail can be ministry, if done with the right mentality. As I sit here, wearing a shirt that I wore in Honduras this past summer and recounting truths and promises that have traveled from the heart of God to my heart, I know that there is so much more for me all over the world. “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”—Acts 20:24
I still have yet to finish my LinkedIn profile.
*Note: I know that ministry can take many forms, but this was written with ministry work overseas in mind. I’ve done ministry here in the US, but for years, I’ve felt a strong pull on my heart to devote time serving God overseas—not just a week one year and a week another year.