Right now, I’m sitting in the computer lab in the Art building. My first class of the day is done, and I’m just waiting for my second class and then SCF. Kristen and I watched the inauguration today. I think that Obama did a good job on his speech. It has been a slow day, making the adjustment from break and also Keswick a bit more difficult, only because even though I know the first few classes of a semester are easy, I’m having more free time than I expected. I’m definitely not complaining, though. It is just weird being back.
Today, the fact really hit me that I am a junior in college and a leader. Keswick really helped me realize that. Even though I am in leadership positions, the fact that I’m a leader never settled in my brain. In Brennan’s words, I’m one of the “Big J’s!” Even in high school, juniors were held in a high esteem, along with the seniors. Last year, I held the juniors that I knew in a high esteem. People look up to me, come to me for advice, and trust my guidance. I’m used to people coming to me for advice, but the fact that people look up to me and view me as a role model is something that I have yet to fully comprehend. My accountability partner, Caitie, looks up to me, but that situation is a little different due to the fact that we live in different states and only communicate by email and sometimes text messaging. I haven’t seen her in two years. That situation is unlike the people that I am around constantly, who look to me as a leader and as an example without me ever knowing. It honestly is weird having people looking up to me, since I am still human and still mess up, still sin. I’m not any more special than the next person.
Over break, an idea that came up multiple times in books and conversations was the idea of having a mentor (The other side of having a mentor is being a mentor, and I probably will not address that here). There are many people I look up to in my Christian walk. Throughout different stages of my life, different individuals that I look up to have mentored me—there’s no denying that. Even though I have so many wonderful Christian friends, influences, and leaders, I still want that one person that I can call my mentor. Towards the end of winter break, I met up with a former teacher for lunch. Our time together was the epitome of what I’ve always envisioned mentorship to be—honesty, respect to and for each other, laughter, good conversation, being able to come away from the conversation with things to think about, love, and a good time together. The hardest thing in my situation is the fact that I’m back and forth between home and school every few months, so it is challenging to build and maintain the close relationship that mentoring requires. People at my home church do know me, love me, and guide me, but it is getting harder (at least it feels that way for me) to connect with them due to the fact that I’m not there and we’re each living our own lives separately. Even though some people view me as a leader, I still need to have leaders leading me as well. I do have leaders, but I just wish that there was one person that I could consistently go to in person, no matter if I’m at school or at home.
Do you have a mentor? Are you a mentor? How did you find the “right person” to be your mentor?